so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
