So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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