please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
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