just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
