my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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