She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
