A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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