I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
