Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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