I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize