Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I see more hoeing in ur future
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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