You were right. It hurts to walk today.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
cat food counts as protein by the way
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
