yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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