Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize