they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
