Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
