i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
