How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize