I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
