I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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