why didn't you poke me back
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
