Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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