I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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