i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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