I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize