Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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