Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
