at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize