The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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