I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
