she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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