Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
