Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
