I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
