# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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