i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize