Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
