After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Randomize
