What did we do last night that was yellow?
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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