btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i think i have two assholes
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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