my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
