She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
