Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
There's always time for handjobs
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize