As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
