i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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