Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
