Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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