The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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