i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Randomize