My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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