dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize