Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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