his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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