do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
