i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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