In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize