Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
