u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
