my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
