I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
