bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
