I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
