I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
