Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
