That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
