so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize