My liver just broke up with me...
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
