He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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