boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
