no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
