I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
