sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
