K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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