She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
