My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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