if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
