His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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