Too much gin, very little bucket
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
