Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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