she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize