I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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