I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
