i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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